Vampires: Today's New Trend

by Jack Poe

We all know that society tends to have quite a few trends. For example, we had a time when VON Dutch hats where something that everyone had to have on their heads, which kinda sucked for the hair gel cause it was replaced for a while. Then came the polo shirts, which are still used a lot but it decreased when the Abercrombie and Hollister shirts came to our city. And how can we forget about the Puma shoes. Everyone had like 2 or 3 or 4 pairs of those. I’m no fashion critic; in fact, I don’t know anything about fashion, but sometimes I feel I’m in a bad clone movie with everyone dressed the same. Oh well, I guess originality is hard to find these days. Everyone watches the same things, hear the same things (reggaeton) and even read the same things.

With that said I’m gonna point out one trend that’s sucking everyone’s blood, literally. Yes my friends, whether you want to accept it or not, VAMPIRES are today’s new thing. Before I continue, for those of you who are obsessed with Twilight, you might wanna stop reading this right now, no? you sure? Ok..let’s keep on then.

Yes, vampires, my mates, are hypnotizing teenagers all over the world, hmm well, mostly girls. Since the beginning of books and movies, vampires have been popular figures in the media. You have classic novels like Dracula and really good early movies like Nosferatu. We all loved to be terrified by these creatures and hear their tales. They have always been movies and novels about them and they were forgotten for a while, but until recently, they’re becoming quite a huge deal among young people. So, why this sudden love for vampires? I guess the answer has one name: Twilight.

Since the book series came out, it has sold tons of copies and made a successful movie. Sorry girls, but just cause it did well at the box office does not make it a good movie. Now I’ve seen a lot of vampire films, and I tell you, this is an insult to all of them. First of all, Vampires are deadly creatures who use their sex appeal to get their preys, suck their blood, dry them out, and most importantly, THEY BURN IN THE SUNLIGHT!!! I don’t know if Stephanie Meyer ever read Bram Stroker’s Dracula or Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles, because what she made of vampires in Twilight, does not seem very vampiry to me. Yeah, she gave them super strength and speed, and also made them pale white, but she forgot a very important thing and that’s that they BURN IN THE SUN. But no, Edward Cullen shines like a freaking diamond when he’s exposed to sunlight! If you think I’m done with explaining why this movie sucks, and if you’re a twilight fan, you better stop reading this. No? ok, you’ve been warned mate.

There are a lot of things wrong with this movie, first, the incredible bad acting of all the characters. Yeah I said it. That girl that plays Bella is so freaking emotionless that it’s like watching a statue and Pattison’s performance is not great either. Sorry girls I know you all are in love with him, but he didn’t act well in this one. I also have to point out the cheap dialogue and storyline. The story goes by too fast, one day Edward and Bella know each other, the next they’re in love. Now that’s romantic. Not to mention the cheap lines that Edward says to Bella: “I can read everyone’s mind but yours”..Oh Come on!!!..Couldn’t the screenwriters come up with something better than that? What a cheap ass line. And I know most of you went aaaaawww with that one, but let’s be honest, it’s not original. Then there’s the direction. I’ve seen better effects of super strength and speed on Smallville and other television shows. The effects in this movie were so cheap that a 10 year old could’ve done them. I don’t see how the fight scene could win Best Fight at the MTV Movie awards, but then again, it’s Mtv.

There are still some things I have to say about how this movie is a disgrace to all vampire cult films, but I might not finish. Yeah yeah I know what you’re gonna tell me, “the book is much better than the movie”, well I hate to break it down to you but books are only longer than movies, so thank god they didn’t put the whole book on screen. I don’t get it how this crappy movie became so popular when you have way better ones like Underworld and 30 Days of Night. Now those are real vampires.

Twilight is a big part of the recent vampire trend, but it’s not all. You have shows that are getting more popular every day, like HBO’s True Blood.

It’s a good show, I’ve watched it several times but be careful dudes, it’ll have your girlfriends wanting you to become vampires because they’re sooo sexy to them. Unfortunately there are still 3 more twilight films, so I guess this trend will be in for some time, but one thing I’ll tell you, if Count Dracula lived, he would kick Stephanie Meyer’s ass for destroying the vampire and he would also show little Edward Cullen what it’s like to burn in the sun. Well, that’s it for Johnny today, see ya mates. Oh and if someone’s asking themselves why did I watch twilight and I hate it so much the answer is that I needed to watch how shitty it is so I can have a list of Worst Movies Ever.