Twilight VERSUS Dragonball Evolution

By Jack Poe

Oii my mateys! Welcome to today’s VERSUS!..In this corner, with 383 million$ made at the box office, we have TWILIGHT!
(Crowd boos, but you can hear some girls cheering and saying “love you Edward!!” )

In this other corner, with more than 54 million$ made at the box office, we have Dragonball: Evolution!
(Everyone boos)

Ding Ding!

Similarities:
1) They’re both the shittiest movies I’ve ever seen
2) Both were badly, no, horribly directed
3) Storyline sucks
4) Really really bad special effects
5) Both male leads are gay
6) Both are an insult to fans and a disgrace for movies

For this fight, we will see which movie has the most wrong things. I will try and make the list short, even if it seems impossible.

Dragonball: Evolution is “based” on Dragonball, the AWESOME series we all saw and loved. I put “based” like that because we all know that it’s nothing like the series. I mean COME ON!!..

1) Goku is not in freaking high school!!
2) Granpa Gohan does not die like that
3) Where the F**K is Crilin?
4) Milk is a goddamn joke
5) Piccolo is supposed to be GREEN!!
6) Yamsha was a tough criminal when he meets Goku, not a sissy like in the movie
7) Bulma is not a bitchy ass girl
8) Freaking ancestors didn’t make the dragonballs, Kamisama did!
9) Master Roshi has a BEARD and is horny all the time, he’s not a freaking Chinese dude that looks like he’s 30
10) Piccolo came out of nowhere in the series, he didn’t got out of a stupid little jar
11) Shen Long looks like a worm in that movie
12) The kame hame ha is not done like you’re putting deodorant on all your body, it’s just done!
13) Who the hell is that shape-shifting girl?
14) Goku is supposed to turn into a GIANT ape!! Not a goofy-looking monkey as tall as Shaq
15) I just hope they DON’T make a sequel for this..please.

Twilight is based on the series of novels by Stephany “vampire killer” Meyer. All girls love this series because of Edward Cullen, some guys like it because their girls like it (we understand dudes, you gota do what you gota do).

1) Vampires do NOT shine in sunlight, they BURN!! And that goes for Edward “oh-look-I’m-a-diamond” Cullen
2) Bella is emotionless as a freaking wall
3) The villains in this movie are the shittiest villains ever
4) I’ve seen better effects of superseed and strength in television shows
5) The lines that Edward uses on Bella are so cheap that a 12 year old couldn’t get a girl with them
6) If vampires live for a lot of years, what are these f**kers still doing in high school?
7) Bella might be the easiest girl ever, she fell in love with Edward in a few days
8) I don’t want to get pissed by thinking in this shit, I’m stopping at 8.

This is tough for me; I don’t know which one is worst. You guys can go ahead and give your opinions on it.

Special Thanks: to James Wong (director of Dragonball Evolution) for ruining the dream and expectative of millions of fans all over the world of seeing Dragonball in a live-action film and for ruining my childhood series and millions of others’ too. THANKS A LOT A-HOLE!
To Stephanie Meyer, for ruining the Vampire, screwing up what they are, what they have always been, and making them diamond-looking f**ks for future generations to see. DRACULA WILL KICK YOUR ASS IN HELL!