Contract

Contract Aug. 25th 2010

Payments

Oi!

OI MATES!!! I hope you still remember the guy with the kick-ass name (stop saying it’s weird, eh? you know it’s a cool name), the guy who told you vampires are a stupid little trend of today’s stupid-teenage-girls-and-queery-boys-who-like-that-shit society and twilight sucks as much as the acting of Robert Pattinson (yeah I said it again!), the guy that told you to stop listening to the Mileys and the Jonas and every other little noisemaker that call themselves artist these days (you damn well know they suck!)..YES MATES! Johnny Jack Poe is back! And damn it feels good! We gotta catch up eh, there’s a lot of shit we need to discuss, for example there’s this little thing that’s been bothering me for the past few weeks and I’m not gona say what it is cause just by spelling out its name causes me to vomit like if I had drank 2 tequila bottles and 3 kegs by myself, so I’m not gona say it (ok ok, Its Justin Fucking Beiber, you know?, that little mini-Jonas piece of crap that’s taking over nowadays) but that’s for another day when I wana spill guts. Today I’m just letting you know that we’re back and we’re hungry to blog. Little Ivan is gona cover the girly subjects, so if you wana ask someone about nail polish or gossip girl’s newest episodes, he’s your guy. Me on the other hand, I’m gona cover what matters in the world, like music, movies, and anything related to telling you how stupid or nerve-wrecking a trend is getting. Oh, and for the teenage girls that wanted me gone for hating on the JonaASSES and their precious Twilight...I’m….deeply sorry that you will have to put up with me as I blog-mutilate them.

Organizing and Schedules

One of the most difficult things about keeping a daily blog is what to blog about. Specially if it is a blog like this one which is not focused on a certain topic. So, to make my life easier, I will write up a weekly schedule. This way I will know what to write about and you will know what to expect each day.

I'll be adding more people to the team, everyone with their own area of "expertise" so we can keep the blog fresh. Here is what I have so far:

If you have any questions ask the dog, because he seems to understand me. :P

Monday: Survival Skills

Tuesday: Entertainment (Includes Movies, Music, Series and such)

Wednesday: Odd News and Health

Thursday: Versus (Go to the Versus posts to see what it is about)

Friday: Videos, this will be a new section, I just thought about it as I was writing this. lol.. might be interesting.

Saturday: Anything

Sunday: Let me sleep damn it... or we could talk about sports.. hehe


This schedule might change, I'm planning on posting more than 1 post per day, so keep an eye out.

On a personal note, not having the best of days today, I might have to open a section for rants. lol.. But tomorrow things will be better :D.

If you have any ideas leave your comments.

Back online and with a name change.

After almost a year we're really back.

Changes:
We'll be making a name change, when I started this blog it was more of a political blog with some humor(not related to politics). Now we will focus more on everyday situations, advices, sports, movies and everything else we used to talk about. Although I will keep the Odd News section even if it is sometimes related to politics.

One of the reasons I wont be posting political views anymore, is because I have gotten in way too many fights with a friend which I wont mention her name (Ericka Martinez you can stalk her on facebook). 

By now most of our main readers are long gone, we will have to start from zero again. If you have any comments or ideas on what else we should post about let us know.

If you want to date the girl to the right here are some tips.
She enjoys:

• Going to the beach
• Playing Final Fantasy
• Helping Dogs/Cats/Animals (except pigs/cows/chicken... she eats those!!)
• Reading
• For more questions find her on facebook.. lol

She Dislikes:

• Anything that goes against what she thinks is right
• People posting her personal information online without her permission so that abusers and pervs like you can find her

That is about it for now, we'll have at least two more post by the end of the day. See you guys soon.

We're Back

It's been a while since I've posted something.

If you're new to the blog you should definitely check out the older posts, so you can have an idea of what this blog is all about. I've been busy lately and haven't had the chance to post, but I'll try to do it more often, at least once a day or day in between.

There are many new subjects to write about and some older ones I never came about to writing. Lots of things going on in the world lately.

I hope we get some of our old readers back and I welcome new ones to the blog. No idea where Joe Jack Poe is, but if he is a relative of Edgar A. Poe he's probably drunk somewhere. No offense to the real Mr. Poe, great author, although he did marry his 13 year old cousin. That kind of makes him a pervert, but we're not here to judge.

I'm having a hard time catching any sleep, maybe thinking of what I'll post about tomorrow will help me fall asleep. Nite everyone.

Christopher Nolan -All About the Story

“It’s all about the Story”
- Christopher Nolan

Few people understand how important a good story is to a movie. Sometimes, we only notice the sick action sequences, or the insane visual effects that are presented to us on screen, but we forget other important things like direction, acting, and storyline. You can have Oscar-winning actors and actresses in a film, but if the story sucks, you are good as dead. With this said, today we’re gona review the work of an awesome director we’re all familiar with by now, one that has won our acclaim and respect with just a few, but great films.

When we say Christopher Nolan, the only thing that comes to our minds is “The Dark Knight”, and I don’t blame any of you for it, because that film was pure perfection, but it is not the only good film he has made. His earlier films have gone under the radar, but that doesn’t mean they’re not good. For instance, his second film, Memento, is now considered a cult classic. It didn’t do that well at the box office at its time of release, but did you know that the screenplay written by him and his brother Jonathan gained them an Oscar nomination for Best Original Screenplay? This was good enough to get top dogs like Al Pacino, Robin Williams, and Hillary Swank to work with him in his third film Insomnia.

Every great writer/director tends to have a certain genre that makes them unique in a sense of style. Being the gifted filmmaker he is, Nolan has written and directed all of his films, and produced most of them too. He has developed a flawless craftsmanship in Psychological Thrillers, a genre that can be seen in all his movies.

With few good well directed/written films, he convinced Warner Bros. Pictures to revive the Batman franchise. His work in Batman Begins was bound to change the Comic Book Movies forever. I’m gona take a few moments to talk about how stupidly awesome this movie is. As you all know, Batman movies were so shitty in the past that we thought no one could revive the super hero anymore. Tim Burton is a great director, and you can say his 2 Batman movies were good, but not as we would’ve liked them to be. Then comes along Batman Forever, which was not that bad, but it was still flawed by all the neon shit at the time, and it was exaggerated at some point. And let’s not even mention Batman and Robin. I mean what the f@!*k!! Did you saw that movie? Not only was it a waste of film, it completely buried Batman and left him for dead. We thought that was it the dark knight, until Saint Nolan came and raised him from the grave.

With a more realistic and darker set and story based on the characters created by Bob Kane, Batman Begins meant the dawn of a new era for comic book movies. The origin story that Dave Goyer and Chris Nolan wrote linked the audience into the deeper roots of Bruce Wayne. The use of fear and control are some of the themes that are well used in the story to complement its darker tone. Not to mention the amazing design of the new batmobile, batsuite, and the more realistic Gotham that was created for us (not like in the other movies where it was exaggerated with giant statues and shit).

Nolan did it again with another psychological thriller, The Prestige. Based on a novel of the same name with a screenplay written by him and his brother, it introduces us into the world of magic and illusions. During the whole duration of the movie, it plays with our minds and makes us wonder what’s magic and what’s not. As you reach the end, you realize that the whole movie, the whole thing IS the PRESTIGE.

And now, let’s review what I like to call “The Greatest Comic Book Movie of All Time”. The Dark Knight was not great, it was perfection. This time, Nolan gave us something way more than what we saw in Batman Begins. He gave us love, purpose, hope, corruption, and madness. The story in this movie is flawless, the action is perfect, the direction is above any level, and the acting was Oscar-winning. The Joker that he created for this film is the Joker we all wanted to see, a madman with no reason or purpose to cause the sickest messes around Gotham, ruthless and with no mercy. Heath Ledger gave us a performance that all of us will remember forever. He even topped Nicholson’s joker, and that alone is an accomplishment. The use of IMAX cameras in some action sequences is the beginning of a new approach in direction. I can go on all day long describing how fantastic this movie is, but let’s move on shall we.

Sophisticated, simple, and visionary, Christopher Nolan is just starting to dazzle us with his genius. His next film will be Inception, which will feature a great cast that includes Dicaprio, Marion Cotillard, and Ellen Page. Thankfully, they have not given out much information about it, so I’m looking forward to seeing it, cause hey, Nolan wrote it, so it must be good. It is said the that third Batman movie will began filming next year for a 2011 release, and I know Nolan is not stupid to make another Spiderman 3. I have faith the third film will be as awesome as The Dark Knight, and I am really hoping that Johnny Depp can be casted as the villain, Depp and Nolan together would be magic.

PS: I know Nolan will win an Oscar one day, what do you think?

Are you kidding me?

Another sleepless night, so I decided on reading a book. After I was finished I got online, I normally go to Yahoo and today I found this story.

A car that smiles back at you
I'm not a a car engineer or a marketing expert, but when I read that this new car might sell a lot faster because it seems like a happy car I was blown away. Later I thought I might be wrong so here I am to ask you guys what do you think about this car.

Chrysler Peapod
Electric car

Advanced Technology (or so they say)
Smile Included

Bright Minds at Work
Research has shown that this car might connect with people's emotions, they say "The car smiles at you, and you smile back". I think these researchers confused a smile with laughter. There is no way normal people will buy a car that looks like my Logitech Mouse. I mean they'll sell a few, but I'm sure it won't rescue them from these difficult economic times.

Then they wonder why their cars are not sold. More info on the Chrysler Peapod if your interested in buying it. lol

Do you think the Peopod will increase Chrysler sales? Do you enjoy watching your car smiling back at you?

As always leave your comments on this story.

Book of the Week: Separation of Power

Every Thursday from now on I'll be suggesting books I've read, we will have more content on Thursday so if you're not the "reader" type you'll still be entertained.

This week's pick is:
Separation of Power
by Vince Flynn

It's an action packed book, from start to finish. If you're into espionage, CIA conspiracy theories and the likes, you'll definitely enjoy it. It is the typical spy story: Spy is about to quit the game, someone wants to kill him, spy wants to find out who wanted him dead, spy finds girl, girl leaves spy because he is too secretive, spy is caught between the girl and the game. He finds out that first he needs to find who wants to kill him before he can live a wonderful life with the girl. If you ever do read this book, you'll see that I'm not kidding.

Downfall
The only thing I did not like about this book, which might have been corrected on later versions, is the part where the author is describing the main character. He said "Mitch Rapp was 32 years old, but he felt a lot older, he joined the agency when he was 19 years old, now 15 years later he looked at himself like a veteran". If you're any good with math you'll see that there is something wrong, and to make matters worse, later on he said "He has been helping out his country ever since he was a teenager, his bones ache and he is not even 30". He never got the age thing right, but other than that it is a great book, nice twists and loaded with suspense.

Feel free to add your favorite book or one that has caught your attention.

Clubs Versus Churches

Round 1

This is not a thorough post as most of my Versus are, but it did catch my attention. A few days ago a girl invited me to church, something I had not done for over 3 years, as I sat there bored out of my mind, I realized churches and night clubs clubs have a lot in common. Specially when you're not paying attention.


Main Characters: Pastors and DJ's

They are in charge of the show, depending on these two the outcome of the night will be either pleasurable or a total disaster.

Things in common:
1) Very visible spot
2) Control the pace
3) Entertain
4) Good communication skills
5) Dress differently




Music and Dancing
Both have kick-ass stereo system



Liquor and Chips
Can't have a party without these




People passing out
When too much, is too much



Other Similarities:
Smoke(incense if you've ever been to a Catholic church), Clubs and Churches might ask for a fee, nice looking buildings. Although few will accept this, but most people who attend church are not focused, they are more interested in the people beside them.

Not my fault
Before you send my soul to damnation, let it be known that I warn people who invite me to church, not to invite me. Yet they think its for the best and if she is hot enough I might consider going. I'm not alone on this one, I know plenty of people who do the same thing.

More
I bet there are way more similarities left, feel free to add them.

Remember: Next time your drinking, dancing and almost ready to pass out at a club, say to yourself "hmm, just like church".

Michael Jackson is Dead, Get over it.

I hope Jacko Molests You from the Grave!
-Rant-

I was planning on telling MJ(from now on Jacko) fans not to read this, but for their sake they should. I don't know about most of you, and when I say you, I mean people who still have some brains and decency. Didn't people go overboard with this Jacko death thing? I'm sorry about his family, although none actually liked him, we all know he did not keep in contact with them. Nevertheless they aren't stupid and took advantage of the spotlight.

It's ironic that I'm writing about the Jacko deal getting too much coverage, and by doing so I'm covering it myself. At least I'm trying to talk some sense into idiots who paid over 9 thousand dollars for tickets to his funeral. Free tickets I might add; and the body was probably not in the golden casket. Oh and did I mention that his funeral cost over 4million dollars? And that the tax payers in L.A paid the bill because the city volunteered to run with the costs. I think no one told the city mayor that his albums had gone through the roof and his estate was worth a lot more than when Jacko was alive. The family could have easily covered the bill.

His Legacy
I know he was a great performer, I acknowledge it. But did he truly give SO much to the world? Why are millions of people over the world crying over it, making big scenes? They call him the greatest performer that ever lived. Funny thing is he was broke, probably because the same people which love him right now, didn't buy any of his albums while he was alive. I bet if those people were asked before his death, who they thought was the greatest performer he wouldn't have been number 1. Names like Madonna, Spears(before she became a total lunatic) and other names would come before him, hell, even Hannah Montana and the Jonas brothers would top him.

Why Paying tribute to him is stupid
Correct me if I'm wrong. Jacko spent most of his life and money building his Ranch Neverland, so that he could host party with little children. With the excuse of not having a real childhood, so his next best thing were sleepovers with 10 year olds. I am not making this up, he said it in "60 Minutes", that there was no greater feeling than cuddling with kids. I don't know about you, but I find it odd for a 40 year old man to be sharing his bed with children. Specially a guy who went to court because he was accused of molesting a child, yet he pay the family off. I'm just saying, pretty weird.

Either way, I don't know how these people can say with a straight face that he was an incredible man, he was talented, but he was not a great person. Yet those people cry rivers for him, but for some reason do not give a damn for their soldiers who are fighting and dying for their country. I mean come on, on one side we have soldiers willing to defend their people at all costs on a daily basis, and on the other side we have a JUNKIE, that is what he is. A darned drug addict, nothing great or inspirational about it.

CNN
I dislike CNN, I'll be honest about it. They try to sell any kind of crap they can. I don't mind them trying to get a few bucks out of ignorant fools who make the death of a pedophile an incredible thing, but there should be a limit. CNN interviewed anyone who came in contact with Jacko. It was ridiculous, people who had barely known him were having their 15 minutes of fame, saying stuff like "..and he told me "nice dress", then walked backstage". WTF. Is that some information you couldn't live without?

Then, to protect his image, they came up with a story about "MJ had a secret girlfriend". Do they think people are really that stupid? Well some are, but not most of us, please CNN save us some dignity. They kept the girlfriend story for about a week, however no names ever came up and the only witness was a bodyguard. We all know he didn't like girls, that is not a big mystery, not even his kids are his. They are white for God's sake, which comes into mind that he is probably a racist, Jacko could have easily used a black guy, but no, he wanted them white.

People Dancing Thriller all over the World
Do humanity a favor, if you, or someone you know went out with thousands of people(idiots/freaks) to dance Thriller, put yourself/them to sleep. Isn't there anything better in your life than dressing up like a Zombie or a Child Molestor and dancing under the sun, trying to break a world record of "Amount of People Dancing Thriller"? They should change that name to "idiots paying tribute to junkie/child molester."

The End
I better quit talking about him, it's getting on my nerves. There is a list of over 100 deceased men and women who gave the world way more than Jacko did, it's a disrespect to them to have all these idiots wetting their panties over a sick, degenerate pedophile.

I'm sorry if this became a rant, I can't stand it anymore, every time a flip a channel I see something about him. I know I'm not alone on this one, many of you have noticed it too.

To MJ fans, I really don't care if I have offended you in anyway or form. Like I said, I don't mind if you enjoy his music, but don't take it overboard, there are more important things in life to be looking at. Like how Obama is screwing up the U.S. but that is for another day.

Leave a Comment, even if you're a Jacko supporter/lover/victim.

Surviving a Hostage Situation

Place: A bank

You never know when you'll be in a hostage situation. To your luck and regret to the people who know you, I'll walk you out of it alive. Once again don't question my expertise, unless you want to get yourself shot.


Starting off

So there you are waiting in line, ready to deposit $80 into your bank account, totaling it to a whopping $135. When out of nowhere five masked gunmen blast into the bank. Their first command will be "everyone to floor", it is here that you will make the difference. Whatever you do don't drop to the floor, keep standing still with a "what's up" look on your face. The bank robbers will probably whack you with a gun and you'll fall unconscious, don't worry, your goal was to prove a point. No one will push you around.

Day 1: Moral High Ground

Sometimes these crooks don't know when to call it quits, meaning the cops will have the place surrounded long before the criminals plan on leaving. By now you're waking up from the hit you took, everyone near is afraid of you because they already witnessed how screwed up you are and they don't want to get killed because of you. This is good, when the cops send the food you'll get a bigger portion.

Day 2: Hero

This is when the criminals start pointing their guns at the hostages to prove to the police that they are not kidding around. I don't care if they are planning on killing the Pope himself, you will not, and I repeat, you will NOT be a hero. Stick to our plan and stay low on this one, as long as they are not aiming at you, you'll be ok. We don't need a dead hero, unless you're wearing a ivanjnc.blogspot.com t-shirt, that will bring more readers, but in the mean time lay back and keep your cool. The most media coverage you'll get will be 5 minutes before CNN goes back to covering the Michael Jackson story. If a junkie dies of drugs, he over dosed, when Jacko died, it was a murder! But will delve on this story some other time; back to you.

Day 3: Placing Fear

The initial shock is gone by now, the police and the abductors are negotiating but as usual they can't agree on anything. Your job now is to demonstrate to the abductors what you're made off. You need to get on their good side. So if they slap a hostage, you stand up, walk over, and slap the hostage twice. Whatever they do you will top it. You gotta show who is the Alpha male(or female). Try to be first when the hostage negotiations come, pay no mind to old sick people or kids, you gotta watch out for Numero Uno.

Day 4: Taking Advantage

I'm pretty sure the other hostages hate you by now but they also fear you. This is a good opportunity to put your moves on the hot cashier that you've been checking out for quite a some days now. Who hasn't given you a second look because she has access to your bank records, therefore knows how broke you are. With her emotions off the charts plus the new found fear towards you its a given that you'll get yourself some tail.

Day 5: We're Saved

Few hostage situations come out in favor of the criminals. Rescue teams and SWATs will apprehend the robbers with few casualties on the hostages side. If you followed my instructions you'll be one of the few that do not come out of there in a body bag.

Resolution

Although you did make it out alive, after doing all those things your fellow hostages will probably rat you out. Most likely you'll be convicted of:
1) Helping Criminals
2) Interfering with police investigation/rescue
3) Violating other people's rights
4) Rape (remember the cashier? she denounced your ass)

I don't know much about law, but after doing some research I think you're looking at 15 to 25 years in jail.

Fear Not

Most people are scared of jail, but once again you're lucky to have me. Come back later for our next edition of Survival Skills, where we will teach you "How to Survive in Jail" and if you have what it takes we will give you an extra bonus "How to Escape".

No one likes Mondays, so I hope you have a nice day and a short week.

Trying to change the template...

I've been trying to change the template but I keep messing it up, I'm new to this blogger thing so it's trial and error at the moment. I design websites and this should not be a problem, but guess what, it is. lol

I'll have it up by today.

Disney Pimps: A Weekly Series

By Jack Poe

Oii mates. I haven't been writing lately, and that's because, like Ivan18 said, we prefer to search and write good stuff other than writing nonsense. Anyway, I have some pretty good things to write about planned. For instance, my fellow readers, we will take a journey into the underworld of Disney, where more corrupt young stars are appearing with frequency, taking over our youth, and hypnotizing young boys and girls acroos the planet. I, Johnny Jack, take this mission and will infiltrate this whorehouse as I give you a close up on the targets: The Disney Pimps. Make sure to check out this blog every day so you won't miss this series.

Ps: if you like hanna montana and highschool musical, you might get pissed.

(And yes!! that's Hannah Montana freaking pole dancing, but don't worry, we'll get her)

Targets (a.k.a Dinsey Pimps)
Week 1: Hillary Duff
Week 2: Lindsay Lohan
Week 3: Miley Cyrus
Week 4: Vanessa Hudgens

In case you were thinking this will not be about trashing or bashing these young girls because honestly, I dont give a hell what they do with their lives. My point will be how Disney, a supposedly Family company can get away with all these things without ever getting smashed by the media or other groups.

Too much work!

by Ivan18

Working
I'm here to apologize for the second day in a row, I've been working a lot this week so I haven't been able to post. I rather not post than to type some half-baked, not researched post. I'm planning on moving to another city for a week to pursue a business opportunity. With luck there will be an internet cafe near by and if I can find my camera I'll keep you up-to-date.

If I'm not around Jack Poe will, so you won't be abandoned. I promise I'll type something cool for you tomorrow. Right now I need some rest.

Name Change

by Ivan18

I was out of the city all day, just got back and I'm leaving again tomorrow early in the morning. Really tired at the moment. I had something fun for you today but you'll have to wait. In the mean time I'll use this opportunity to ask for your opinion.

Name Change: Observations and Opinions
I'd like to change the name to something which describes this blog, for those who have been here long enough know that we jump from topic to topic, sometimes serious and sometimes totally opposite.

I know you have some ideas so let's hear them. Even if you don't have the complete name just write stuff and we'll combine them to come up with a different name.
Layout
We'll be changing the layout to help order these posts, I didn't think when we started that we'd write so much. The new layout will help our new readers catch up on old posts. Making it easier to find related topics.

Thank You
It's only been 12 days since we opened the blog and the results have been fantastic. Thanks to those who come in daily even if you don't always leave messages or don't follow us. You should also check out our followers' blogs, there are some really interesting blogs there.

I'll see you all tomorrow or later today if I rest up :D.

Pro-Choice versus Death Penalty

Round 1
by Ivan18

Two things almost alike, one decides to kill you in the early stages of your life, while the other decides once you are an adult (over 18-21). As in all boxing matches, there will be no hits below the belt, in this case, God and religion will be left aside.
Normally people will have Pro-Choice Vs Pro-Life, but since we don't do things normal around here so we will go with Pro-Choice vs Death Penalty.

Definitions:
Pro-choice: An ideological position which defends a woman's right to have an abortion on the grounds of her inviolable autonomy over matters concerning her own body.
Death Penalty: A sentence of punishment by execution.

Although they both involve death, for some reason conservatives and liberals accept one but not the other. Pro-choice is supported by liberals while the death penalty is supported by the conservatives. So let us start one by one.

Pro-choice
Let me congratulate all liberals on this name, it sounds so nice. Who would go against something so logical as the right to choose? I'm sorry to tell you this but it is time to man-up, and call it by its real name, baby-killing. Just because the infant cant talk back does not mean it is not alive. I bet it makes you sleep better at night thinking that you exercised the right to "choose".

Face it, all you're doing is taking the easy way out. You seem to be against killing another human being even if that person killed a family with his own bare hands, but you don't mind killing a baby who's only fault was that you didn't use a condom, or that it broke. What are some of your excuses? "She's only 15, how can she have a child", I've seen lot's of cases like these where the baby grows up just fine, like any other kid.

You support animal rights with such passion yet you don't give a damn about humans. There are 1.5 million abortions every year in the U.S, but I don't see any of you protesting about it. But if someone were to kill a cat you'd be harassing his ass every day; requesting for fines and imprisonment. When all he did was exercise his "choice" in killing a cat, better than killing a baby don't you think?

So liberals, its time to face reality, quit living in that bubble of yours where you want to "fix" stuff by calling it by other names and protesting for insignificant things.

Exceptions
Abortions should be legal when:
1) Incest
2) Rape
3) Mother's health might be in danger
4) The newborn might be missing limbs or brain deficiency is spotted
5) (blank in case I forgot one)

Death Penalty
Ok conservatives, I know I said God and religion wouldn't be involved. But since you point at it whenever you find it fit, I'll point it back to you. I thought only God could judge people. Yet you're so creative when given the chance to end someone's life.

Methods (some are not in use anymore)
1) Hanging
2) Lethal Injection
3) Lethal Gas
4) Electrocution
5) Firing Squad
6) (comment on any other that you know)

I'm not a bible reader however I don't think it says anything about killing people with lethal injections. You say it is humane because they won't feel a thing, in case you didn't know anticipation and fear of losing one's life are the worst feelings anyone could ever have. So before you go around hitting people on the head with your holy book, take a look at what you support and ask yourself; "what would Jesus do?". Odds are he wouldn't sit someone on an electric chair.

Conclusion
If I had to choose who's life to end. I would prefer to kill a killer than an infant. What about you? Leave a comment stating your opinion and feel free to add any facts or hypothetical problems along with your answer; so that we can discuss it.

Don't forget to Vote (sidebar top left).

Surviving the Outdoors

Edition: Amazon Rainforest
by Ivan18

Whatever you do don't question my expertise, or it might just get you killed.
Rule 1: Don't Die (told you I was an expert).

So let's say for some odd and stupid reason you find yourself lost in the Amazon Rain Forest, right in the middle of nowhere. First thing you need to say to yourself is: "Good thing I read that blog, I'll be able to survive.

List of things you'll need:
1) A machete, keep one with you at all times, even when boarding the plane, if anyone from security stops you say "Hey at least I don't have a bomb with me". They'll let your right in no questions asked.
2) You'll need something to carry your water.
3) Condoms, hey you never know if you'll find a sexy amazonian chick. Better safe than sorry.
4) A lighter.
5) If it was a plane crash and you're lucky to wake up before everyone else, steal their belongings. Better you than them. If anyone is still half alive whack them with a stick, more people equal less food.

Packing up
Make sure you have all these before going out and playing Tarzan. Once you're out of the crash site look for some water. Normally people will say that you should stay near the crash site but pay them no mind, we all know the rescue teams take weeks to find anything and I don't think your fellow passengers will take it lightly that you stole their stuff.

Your Journey
If possible take someone with you, just in case you get into any trouble. Once you two find a river be careful, plenty of crocodiles waiting to make you their next meal.
Teamwork: Have your new friend collect the water while you watch from a distance for any signs of crocodiles.

Possible animal attacks: Jaguar
Average Weight: 350 pounds
Average Speed: 50 mph
Conclusion: There is no chance in hell you'll make it out alive... unless...

Teamwork:
This is the main reason you brought your new acquaintance along. We all know that you will never be able to outrun a jaguar, but you're in luck, you don't need to. All you need to do is outrun your friend, this is where the machete comes in handy, try to go for his ankle and RUN your ass off, don't look back. If you're lucky the jaguar and its cubs will have enough to eat for a couple of days.

Remember, I'm here to save your life, not everyone around you.

Living happily ever after
After all these atrocities you have committed I don't think people will want you back in civilization, but don't you be worrying about it. There are hundreds of tribes in the amazon. If they don't sacrifice your ass they might just take you in as one of their own.

Look on the bright side, you'll be able to live the rest of your days learning the fine art of cannibalism, hanging around with nude chicks, becoming one with nature. Every environmentalist's dream. Once you get used to all the venomous insects I think you'll do fine.
Popularity tip: You can lead your tribe back to the crash site and have an all night feast. This will surely put you on top of the Chief's list, he might even let you marry his daughter.

I hope this keeps you alive, don't miss the other outdoor tips coming soon. Leave a comment if you know of any other useful skills to survive in the wilderness.

C'est La Vie: New Advice Column

By Jack Poe

Oi mates. Since the blog is becoming a little more popular every day, we can have now something me and the other authors have wanted to have on this page, and that is an advice column. With this, all of you can view our advices on certain things in life like relationships, motivation, things you can do to help yourself and feel better, etc. The column will be called C’est La Vie (French for That’s how life is). I wanted to name it Jacky Poe’s Advice Column, but ivan18 said that he would kick my ass if I did. So remember, if you want us to cover a certain subject or if you need advice on ANYTHING, just write us a comment under this post and you’ll have an advice for you right away.

Should Poker be Considered an Olympic Sport?

by Ivan18

Poker
A card game that is played by hundreds of millions of people around the globe. It has always been popular but in the last few years with ESPN covering the World Series Poker Main Event, the amount of people playing now has skyrocketed.

So, is Poker a sport? The answer is no, a sport is defined as:
"Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively."

Drinking beer around with your buddies around a table is not a sport, although I cant deny its a lot more fun than other sports. Poker entities are trying to make Poker an Olympic sport. Now I do support it, if they consider Chess as an Olympic sport they should definitely consider Poker too.

Not many differences between Poker and Chess, what do you do while playing Chess? You sit around and move small figures from one place to another (I do know how to play Chess but I dont want to get into any details) while thinking up a strategy on how to beat your opponent. Mean while in poker you do the the exact same thing, the only difference is that you have 8 other opponents in front of you, instead of one. The strategy is still involved, the energy, the passion.

The Olympic commitee states that it cant become a sport because it needs to have a legal federation in more than X number of countries. I bet that even if it does get to that number they wont allow. Seeing as how taboo card games are, specially when bets are involved.

Either way it is their lost, they can keep all their boring sports, we stay with Poker... ALL IN..

Do you support Poker becoming an Olympic sport? Vote and leave a comment.

Twilight VERSUS Dragonball Evolution

By Jack Poe

Oii my mateys! Welcome to today’s VERSUS!..In this corner, with 383 million$ made at the box office, we have TWILIGHT!
(Crowd boos, but you can hear some girls cheering and saying “love you Edward!!” )

In this other corner, with more than 54 million$ made at the box office, we have Dragonball: Evolution!
(Everyone boos)

Ding Ding!

Similarities:
1) They’re both the shittiest movies I’ve ever seen
2) Both were badly, no, horribly directed
3) Storyline sucks
4) Really really bad special effects
5) Both male leads are gay
6) Both are an insult to fans and a disgrace for movies

For this fight, we will see which movie has the most wrong things. I will try and make the list short, even if it seems impossible.

Dragonball: Evolution is “based” on Dragonball, the AWESOME series we all saw and loved. I put “based” like that because we all know that it’s nothing like the series. I mean COME ON!!..

1) Goku is not in freaking high school!!
2) Granpa Gohan does not die like that
3) Where the F**K is Crilin?
4) Milk is a goddamn joke
5) Piccolo is supposed to be GREEN!!
6) Yamsha was a tough criminal when he meets Goku, not a sissy like in the movie
7) Bulma is not a bitchy ass girl
8) Freaking ancestors didn’t make the dragonballs, Kamisama did!
9) Master Roshi has a BEARD and is horny all the time, he’s not a freaking Chinese dude that looks like he’s 30
10) Piccolo came out of nowhere in the series, he didn’t got out of a stupid little jar
11) Shen Long looks like a worm in that movie
12) The kame hame ha is not done like you’re putting deodorant on all your body, it’s just done!
13) Who the hell is that shape-shifting girl?
14) Goku is supposed to turn into a GIANT ape!! Not a goofy-looking monkey as tall as Shaq
15) I just hope they DON’T make a sequel for this..please.

Twilight is based on the series of novels by Stephany “vampire killer” Meyer. All girls love this series because of Edward Cullen, some guys like it because their girls like it (we understand dudes, you gota do what you gota do).

1) Vampires do NOT shine in sunlight, they BURN!! And that goes for Edward “oh-look-I’m-a-diamond” Cullen
2) Bella is emotionless as a freaking wall
3) The villains in this movie are the shittiest villains ever
4) I’ve seen better effects of superseed and strength in television shows
5) The lines that Edward uses on Bella are so cheap that a 12 year old couldn’t get a girl with them
6) If vampires live for a lot of years, what are these f**kers still doing in high school?
7) Bella might be the easiest girl ever, she fell in love with Edward in a few days
8) I don’t want to get pissed by thinking in this shit, I’m stopping at 8.

This is tough for me; I don’t know which one is worst. You guys can go ahead and give your opinions on it.

Special Thanks: to James Wong (director of Dragonball Evolution) for ruining the dream and expectative of millions of fans all over the world of seeing Dragonball in a live-action film and for ruining my childhood series and millions of others’ too. THANKS A LOT A-HOLE!
To Stephanie Meyer, for ruining the Vampire, screwing up what they are, what they have always been, and making them diamond-looking f**ks for future generations to see. DRACULA WILL KICK YOUR ASS IN HELL!